Reflections of a Mother

As I listened to a young couple share their beginning story I reminisced about our painful beginning, I was reminded once again how lucky I am to have found such amazing people to share this life with. IF I could only go back 18 years and sit down with myself and say:
Do not fool yourself..the tears you are crying are not for Korryn. The tears you are crying are for yourself. YOU are the one grieving right now; you are the one who is afraid; you are the one that wonders “What do I do now?’. All those feelings are normal and part of this journey. IT IS OKAY!!
You will meet the most amazing people along this road. You will begin to see the beauty in souls, not the outer package. You will have your faith in God restored. You will come to know what true happiness is. You have been given one of the most amazing gifts. STOP WORRYING! STOP PROJECTING! One day at a time!! Enjoy these moments as they will be gone before you know it and you will be planning her 18th birthday party.
We have had so many of Earth’s angels enter our lives all due to the extra chromosome. I feel blessed and honored to call them friends. From family, friends, therapists, doctors, nurses, teachers, and paraprofessionals, mentors, coaches and peers, your child will touch lives that you are not even aware of. You will form friendships with people that are traveling this same path.
There were many times I was on my knees in prayer asking God to show me the way. You gave this child to me Lord. Show me the next path in this journey. Korryn never worried. She knew where she was going. I look back now and know how silly of me to think I had a hand in any of this. I will not get preachy here, but if you need examples of how the Lord has worked in our life…grab a cup of coffee and sit with me for a while.
I am not going to tell you that you will not have bad days …because you will. We all do. It is OKAY to sit and feel sorry for yourself. It’s okay to grieve what you thought you were going to have. Grieving is a part of this journey, a very important part. Recognize it, feel it. Those feelings do not take anything away from your child. Those feelings are not about this child. They are feelings for the loss of the child you were expecting. Those feelings will come and go along this journey. Your friends’ children will be walking or talking long before your child does and those feelings will rear their ugly head; but then your beautiful child will say something to make you laugh and they will fade again. A journey… remember this is not a sprint to acceptance…this is a journey.
What I wish I could have known was to just BREATHE, soak in these moments, enjoy your baby, do not worry so much about the future. The future, because of the many men and women that have walked before you, will be so much easier. Society is so much more accepting. Advocate for your child and remember your child will lead the way. I worried about Paige. I worried about the impact having a sister with a disability would have on her. She is an amazing young woman with a compassionate heart. She is thankful for Korryn. She says she wouldn’t be who she is without her sister. Once again, it was my worry and projecting.
I would tell myself to continue to ask, ‘Are these my wants and wishes for my child or is this in the best interest of my child?’ It will be eye opening and humbling. I would sit down, hold my younger hands and say, “Dawn, you have been blessed with a life changing, amazing gift. You just haven’t realized it yet. And what a beautiful journey it will be.” – Dawn, Korryn’s Mom

Happy Mother’s Day to all of our amazing moms…enjoy your journey.