Secret to a Happy Life

My three year old has Down syndrome.  This felt like an unbearable tragedy when I first got the news. But over time, I’ve come to love my child, as parents tend to, with that blind mother-love that sees only the perfect and beautiful in the most mundane detail of infant development.

I took the opportunity to teach my darling the word ‘fart’ when I saw air bubbles raising from his  darling behind during a recent bath – my son the farter!  What could be more adorable?!  …that kind of mother-love!  But unlike most of this prideful breed, I sometimes wonder if I’m living on borrowed time.

I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I’m waiting for the day my too cute toddler will stop being a source of pride and become the stereotype that haunted me so deeply on the day he was born.

I asked my friend, Mitch, who has a fourteen year old with Down syndrome, “When does it get harder?”

I think he might have shared with me the secret to a happy life.  He said: “If you set the bar so high that you never reach it, you’ll always be disappointed.  But you don’t want to set the bar too low either.  So figuring out where to set the bar is important.  And if you don’t care too much what other people think, and you don’t live too far into the future… it’s all easy.”

Most of us try to live a meaningful life, some by going to church, some synagogue, some meditate, some volunteer, some donate.  These practices keep us in check with reality.  Loving someone with Down syndrome is like living with a reality check.  Every time I look at my son I’m reminded of the world I want him to inherit.  I’m reminded to be nice, keep it simple, enjoy the moment – this is not to say I don’t have big dreams for my little boy, but I can’t afford to get caught up too much in the future, or invest in dreams of superficial success.

It’s possible that Down syndrome is teaching me to how to be happy.

Britt Sady, Mother, Dreamer, Executive Director – GiGi’s Playhouse, NYC