Born to be Mine- Adopting Matthew

by Leanne Pennetto (Matthew’s Mom)

When people find out that I adopted a child with Down syndrome, they usually have the same reaction: “That was so nice of you!” …or something along those lines.

I understand where they are coming from, and I’m sure I would say the same thing to someone else if I were in their shoes. But what I always say back to them is this: “Matthew is actually a gift to me.  I am the lucky one.”  And it’s true. Matthew has been a blessing to me since that miraculous day 19 years ago when his birth mother handed him over to me, placing him safely into my arms. Getting to that joyful moment certainly wasn’t easy, though.

Matthew has recently joined the altar server team at his parish, Saint Joe’s in Bound Brook, NJ

Before….
My ex-husband and I had gone through several infertility treatments with no success. All of our friends and family knew we had been trying for a baby. One day, we learned that a family had reached out to our church because their young daughter, aged 16, was three months pregnant. They were looking to see if there was a family interested in adopting.  Although we hadn’t yet considered the adoption route, we  expressed our interest in adopting and proceeded forward with tempered optimism.

We and the birth mother both signed on with the same Christian adoption agency. Getting approved and prepared was a lengthy process, with home studies, background checks, mountains of paperwork, and meetings with the birth mother and birth father. We were jumping through a lot of hoops, but it was okay—we would soon have a baby, and we couldn’t help but feel hopeful.

We were starting to feel “all set”…until one day….
Sometime in the final trimester of the pregnancy, a member of the birth father’s family stepped up out of the blue and said that they in fact wanted to adopt the baby. Birth family members are given preference in such situations. We were very sad but knew we had no choice but to back off. We prayed and prayed some more. I knew in my heart that God had a plan.

While we awaited news of another adoption opportunity, a beautiful baby boy was born to that 16-year-old girl. The poor baby was having breathing issues so was in in the NICU.

It was a day or two after the birth that we received a call from the adoption agency. They sounded very serious on the phone, and what they said is seared into my memory. “The birth father’s family no longer wants the baby,” they said, “because the baby has Down syndrome. Are you still interested in adopting the baby?”

Time stopped for a moment. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. First, I was so happy to have the opportunity to adopt this child that I had already bonded with in my heart. But also, I can’t deny that I felt overwhelmed about the news of the Down syndrome. As you might imagine, the range of emotions I felt spanned far, deep, and wide. We cried.

“Don’t adopt him out of guilt…”
The last thing the adoption agency wanted was for us to adopt the baby out of perceived obligation. That wouldn’t benefit anyone.  They told us straight out: “Don’t adopt him out of guilt. We can always find another home for him. Only do it if you truly want him.”

Ultimately, after much prayer and discernment, we decided that yes, we wanted that baby. He was already our baby—in my heart. I also believed that God would take care of us in all the ways we would need it—with courage, knowledge, wisdom, finances, resources, trust, patience, and love.

I really had no idea what to expect, but I knew God would provide. With the birth mother approving of the arrangement, the day quickly came when it was time to meet our baby and bring him home. We gathered with the birth mother at the adoption agency. The baby was 11 days old. As we stood there all together, I couldn’t help but think about how young the birth mother was, and that I wished I could adopt her too.

Matthew with his parents (Leanne and Jim) on a recent trip to Great Wolf Lodge

I’ll never forget that moment when she handed the baby to me, and I am forever grateful to her. We named him Matthew, which means “gift from God.”

A true gift to all around him…
Matthew has been a blessing not just to us but to so many people around him. Yes, we have had our challenges. We’ve had our ups and downs.

One difficult period came when my then-husband and I divorced when Matthew was very young. Being a single mom is hard under any circumstances, but it can be even more challenging when you have a child with special needs. I was on my own living in a one-bedroom apartment when a friend introduced me to a man named Jim. I was sure he was the one, but I did my best to scare him away because I was convinced that, although he liked me, he wouldn’t want to get involved with a woman who had a child with Down syndrome.

Well, I guess I just wasn’t scary enough. Despite my best efforts, Jim wouldn’t budge. He knew that Matthew and I were a package deal. He wholeheartedly embraced us, and he has not once stopped embracing us, loving us, and supporting us in 14 years. Jim really is Matthew’s father, and I hate to say it, but I think Matthew even likes Jim better than me! They are always together.

Matthew with his girlfriend, Jenna—also a GiGi’s participant!

GiGi’s — a second place to call home….
Matthew is now 19 years old and goes to The Midland School in Branchburg. About a year ago we discovered this wonderful little place called GiGi’s Playhouse.  We signed Matthew up and loved it from the first day. Site Coordinator Liz has been so supportive.

Matthew really likes the TEAM, Fantastic Friends, TeenTastic, and Karate Kickers programs.  He also does literacy tutoring, which is helping him learn to read. We go to the GiGi’s annual Carnival, Halloween party, and Christmas party. Going there has made Matthew more independent, it has helped him with his social skills, and it has given him a second home where he can be himself.  Since he is older, I can drop him off there, and I feel completely safe doing so.  I like how Liz sends out an email each week about what we will be doing, so that our kids will know what to expect.  Honestly, I just can’t say enough good things about it.

Talk about gifts from God, GiGi’s is certainly one of them.