Back to School Tips with Trisha Stibbe from Inclusion, Ink

It’s August… which means Back to School is right around the corner. And while getting ready for school is daunting for all parents and kids (Lists! Lunches! Registrations!), for those of us who have children with extra needs the list is even longer. 

“Will they understand my child?”

“Will they accept my child?”
“Will he make friends?”
“What if this doesn’t work?”

Claire, our daughter with Down syndrome, enters third grade this year. I wish I could tell you that by now I have it all figured out and the nerves are minuscule, but I can’t. There will always be a layer of apprehension, but now it’s mixed with excitement about the year ahead. We have figured out a few kinks along the way and know what works best for us. Now we just wait and see if her teacher(s) are a good fit and have the same goals and expectations as we do. 

Early Childhood Special Education (ECSE)

For those of you who are about to enter preschool for the first time (Early Childhood Special Education or a traditional preschool), don’t be afraid to start working on your personal lists and goals for your child, aside from the formal IEP. Even after 11 years of IEPs (Claire’s older brother also has an IEP), I still struggle to read them and not get bored. While IEPs serve an invaluable purpose and are the legally binding document for how your child will learn, they can also be stale, impersonal, and data-focused. 

I created a “Get to Know Me” sheet when Claire was entering preschool. I wanted to make sure her team knew she wasn’t just *Claire – 3 years old – Down syndrome.* I needed them to know that greeting her at home were two parents, three loving brothers, and a dog. I needed them to know that yes, we wanted her to learn her colors and shapes, but we also wanted her to learn how to be a friend, be kind, and foster independence.

Kinder and Beyond

Preschool was one thing. We felt so comfortable with everyone and kids were just… nice! They were all young, like Claire, and the gap wasn’t very wide. We chose to send Claire to ECSE in the mornings and a traditional preschool in the afternoons and she was loved, supported, and accepted at both places. Small class sizes and teachers with a heart of gold made us so happy. School didn’t feel “real” yet.

So when it was time for Kindergarten, my only saving grace was that Claire would be attending school at the same place as all three of her older brothers. It was the neighborhood school, so the neighbor friends would be there too!

The week before kindergarten, I updated her “Get to Know Me” sheet and also included a personal letter. It was a Thank You letter to her team, and a very personal note about how nervous we were, yet hopeful for a fantastic year ahead. I normally share everything I write, but that one will be kept secret. But I encourage you to write your own. Write from the heart everything you want your child’s team to know. And be gracious with them too – they may not have had a child with a disability in their class before. Assume they want the best for your child as well. You will be a TEAM. 

She is now going into third grade, and along the way I’ve found that if I follow the three tips below, we are set up for success. Will there be bumps along the way? YES. But let’s be honest – there are bumps along the way for all kids, special needs or not. 

Tip #1- Review and Update the IEP or 504 Plan

• Go through and highlight points to discuss, then email the school (teacher are on break, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fire off and mail for them to read once they’re back on contract). Summer changes may mean some updates are needed.
• Talk to private therapists (OT/PT/Speech) about goals for school and how to align them with home/community goals.

Tip #2- Establish Routines and Prepare for Transitions

• Create a social story or visual schedule. Ask the school for pictures of key areas or see if they have social stories ready.

Tip #3- Communicate with Teachers and Support Staff

Teachers deserve their break, but don’t hesitate to ask for things to make school easier. Here’s what I recommend:

• Introduce Your Child: Share a letter or one-page profile with strengths, challenges, likes, and dislikes.
• Establish Communication Channels: Set up regular methods like emails, notebooks, or check-ins.
• Visit the School: If possible, visit with your child before the first day. Meeting teachers and exploring the classroom can make a big difference. (Some schools will tell you this can happen on Back to School Night. In my experience, no… tell them that is not enough and you want your child to meet their teacher for just 10 minutes. Offer to bring coffee 😉 )
• Plan for the First Day: Decide who will meet your child—whether it’s you, a peer, or a support staff.

It took me a while to feel confident and in control of our daughter’s education. For her, we also quickly learned that while we obviously want her to learn and grow in her knowledge and skills, for us it was more important to support her socially. We want her to feel included and welcomed in her school day, but also after school hours. 

I recently created Inclusion, Ink. to help support families going through the world of advocating and inclusion. This has been a passion of mine since I finally fell into a groove a few years ago and being asked for help and advice often.

My goals with this new venture are plentiful:

*collaborate with parents on IEPs and offer neutral advice

*help with connections at a personal level – there isn’t a hotline here, you get my personal cell phone

*act as a mediator between schools and caregivers

*break down barriers to inclusion

*open-ended conversations with special education teachers and specialist via my Podcast

*provide toolkits for IEPs, medical journeys, and more 

I’m so grateful to GiGi’s Playhouse Fargo for also supporting our daughter in her educational journey. Their tutoring services and resources have been life changing and their desire to collaborate with school districts is inspiring. We are so lucky to have them in our city. ~Trisha Stibbe

Trisha is a mom of 4, and a proud Board member of GiGi’s Playhouse since 2021. She was awarded the “Volunteer of the Year” award in March 2024 for her work with GiGi’s. Her two children with special needs lit a fire within to make the world more accessible, inclusive, and kind to individuals AND families with special needs. She recently founded Inclusion, Ink. to make the stressful, lonely world of advocating easier.